WTF? Friday: Beautiful Bums?

This Week’s WTF?Friday Brought to You By: Renova Colored Toilet Paper

Can this be real? I racked my brain trying to think of an appropriate use for colored toilet paper of this variety. Until the past decade, I suppose, colored toilet paper was common on store shelves. I specifically remember having light blue toilet paper to match our bathroom when I was younger. I suppose that idea fell out of fashion when people realized that, well, no one really cares what color you use to wipe your ass. (That sounds like the start of a psychology quiz of sorts: “If you could wipe your butt with any color, what color do you envision?” For the record, I immediately thought, “Purple!” Care to anal(hee hee)yze that one?)

The thing that pisses me off the most about this Renova toilet paper is that it is made of “100% virgin pulp.” That’s not something to brag about! Look, it’s one thing to desire a roll of deeply tinted paper on your toilet roll. It’s another to use perfectly good wood pulp from perfectly fine trees to produce such a ridiculous item.

Why on earth would someone buy this? A conversation starter? (“Becky, I just ADORE your pink poop wipes!”) A decorative item? (“Danny, that yellow toilet paper suits your cabinetry to a T!”) A helpful device? (“That black toilet paper hid my runny bowels so well…”) Okay, maybe I’ve taken it too far.

The bottom line is: wasteful (I truly can’t avoid a pun to save my life) products such as these contribute to the overall idea that everything is expendable and when you “throw something away” the place where it goes is about as magically non-existent as the idea of me owning a roll of this…crap.

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